12/9/08

Declan, Almost 2

In this picture, taken this summer, there he is, in his room, with beautiful light coming in from the two windows on each side of him. Tousled hair as always, asking a question. Gosh if he isn't the cutest. Is it wrong to say "no, you can't have a "pop-tart", and then give him a cookie? I think I rationalize it by thinking "I know what goes into his cookies - for the most part - because I made them."

Does anyone who doesn't work there know what exactly goes into a pop-tart? Especially the ones favored by this one's mother - Chocolate Fudge? I don't think it's chocolate, or fudge.

I will have to make some lunch soon, but that is what I am pondering today. 

Right now, he and his sister are playing in the hallway closet, Brecca saying "I have to go to school!" and then leading him up to their Brother, Colton's room. Colton is actually in school. 

I am so happy to be where I am, on many levels. It is funny to feel this way, and yet at the same time to too easily be angered over little things that these two (and sometimes all three) do. To be at home with them during this time has been such a great blessing. I get to help my kids grow up. Part of me is certain that that is one of the reasons I was let go this summer. To help Amber with her conflicted feelings about daycare and let her feel good about who is watching the kids. I do, however, need to find more things to do with the kids, but I am very happy with how they entertain themselves during these long winter days. We will be going outside after lunch for a little bit before naptime. It has snowed, and they need to understand that they can go out in the winter. (I need to understand that they can go outside in the winter!)

I have to get the kettle on. 

3/12/08

Should I love my kids more than my wife?

This is from an email thread I am having with a friend/colleage of mine - about our photography businesses first, but it quickly took a turn I thought suitable for reprinting here. [edited for length and names have been changed to protect the innocent!] Also, on my photography website [Wade Gardner Photography] I have a list of "My Roles, in order"

Husband, Father, Friend, Photographer, Musician, Painter, Writer. 

FYI



I like the "my roles..." thing. As an aside, I've been wondering internally, if/when there is a point when the order of the first two flip? Just me being "deep" ... or something like that.


Laters:

Peter


Peter

To answer your "aside" question - never. Love your wife more than your children. You want your kids to know how to treat a woman and how to be treated by a man. You also want your kids to leave the house when they are older, not your wife.


You chose your bride, you don't choose your kids. 


If your children know that you love their mother, they won't doubt that you love them, but if they don't know that you love their mother, there will be a kernel of doubt about your love for them.


My thoughts.


Soli Deo Gloria

Wade Gardner


Makes sense... but then there is also the argument that my wife and I "chose" each other, but our child was entrusted to us by God. I know that part of this is going to sound horrible (and is not indicative anything actually going on in my life)... but my love for my child is totally unconditional. My love for my wife is built on trust and is very strong, but I don't know that it could never be broken. I pray that it will never be tested that strongly. 


It seems silly to ask "which do I love more" - at this point in my life, I feel more connected to Petra than to Natashca, but who is to say that will never change as Natashca grows up and develops her personality. I know that Petra and Natashca have a stronger bond that Natashca and I, but that only makes sense, given what they have been through together and that they spend more time together. 


I'm sure that I'm just over-analyzing the whole thing. It's what I do. Damn you for making me think!    ;^)


Laters,

-Peter



Peter - 


You are correct when you write - 

"but my love for my child is totally unconditional. My love for my wife is built on trust and is very strong, but I don't know that it could never be broken. "


and that is exactly why your love for your wife needs to be stronger than that love for your child. Do you see what I am saying? You don't make a choice about your child. At some point, they will be their own person, have their own world, and you will have an ever decreasing part of that. If you make it clear in your actions that your relationship to your wife is paramount, you will be teaching them a most valuable lesson. THE most valuable lesson. More important than how to use money, to read, to do math. Our relationships are our most important treasures. How to treat, no, how to serve people is the most important thing we can pass on to our kids. 


Love your wife more, it takes more work precisely because it is a choice. Also, your life will be all the more pleasant. I look at the incredibly profound words from a very unlikely source - Torii (mis)Spelling - on this matter. Her father, Aaron, told her outright that he loved her more than he loved her mom, and her mom was in the next room and overheard. That, right there, colored the relationship between them, and we all know how nasty that got. (maybe you don't, and I don't really know why I know that, but, uh, yeah, Amber gets People magazine, and that is why I know - not that I personally follow…)


Anyway. I am blogging about this exact deal - can I use our conversation? I won't use names if you would prefer. www.betterhusbandbetterdad.blogspot.com. I have been too busy to update it for a while, and I can't update it from work, but this is exactly the type of good, two way conversation that I want for the site. I plan on linking it to my wedding site, too, as a resource for new husbands and husbands to be. 


There is one role that I left out, but not really on purpose. It really should be first but I don't exactly know how to put it - small "c" christian - worshipper - jesus-freak - zealot  - the whole God, Family, Football thing. Love God first, give Him your best, the rest will fall into place. I am coming around to that idea more and more each day. I can only put my faith in one of three things - the world that surrounds me - myself - God. The world is so out of my control. I can only control my reactions to it. I am horrified by the thought of putting faith in myself to get by. God seems to be the logical choice. But, you see, it doesn't fit into one word. 


Soli Deo Gloria

Wade Gardner


So, you want a couple to say, "Wow, Wade really Phlogged us!"? Maybe. Could be a marketing thing. Get married and get Phlogged!   ;^)


Older than dirt? Wow, I thought we were still newlyweds!    ;^)


Laters,

-Peter

--------------


Oh yeah - dirt.   


As for your prices. What do you want to make? What is that price that in four years, given an increasing number of weddings that you would be doing each year, you would like to be at? Think about where you want to be then. Now set your price at that point. This will do two things. A: Force you to live up to it. B: Build your business slowly, but at the right price point. Amber is having a difficult time with this idea, because she, and everyone that she knows, wouldn't spend over $1900 on a photographer. I have to tell her that I put my price right on the web page, so those people that call me already know how much I cost, and are willing to pay it. 


Soli Deo Gloria

Wade Gardner

whereswade@mac.com


[my] pricing...

A friend of mine has started a biz as a wedding coordinator and has been throwing contacts my way. Some of her clients don't have a big budget, so I keep hearing from her that my packages really offer a great value. For a weekend, plus a handful of nights worth of work, what I'm charging now, really isn't bad, considering it's something that I love.


4 years... I guess I have a hard time visualizing that far. Heck, I thought I'd be part owner of Candide Press by now, but a new house and child tend to change life a lot. There are so many things that I would love to do. Printing is one. The Apple Store is another - sounds sad, but I really do love my time there. If I ever thought it could pay enough, I might consider going full time, but I doubt that is a possibility. I have another gig that I'm starting doing online tutorials. I'm doing a series on FileMaker Pro. It's little 2-3 minute screen captures with a voice over. It's fun and the money is really good, so there is a potential for a career there too. Photography is another passion. I'd like to think that if I really wanted it, that I could "make it" doing that, but I'm too guttless to make the leap. (see above note about mortgage, kid, etc)


So, right now I have 4 passions that could be careers. One of them is, and three are hobbies... And all of them are suffering because of the others. Not to mention the time it takes away from family. I guess I'm a work-a-holic or something. I just really enjoy all those things and the fact that people will pay me for it is bonus. And lately, the fact that people will pay me for it has been a necessity. Energy bills just blew my mind this winter and we found out that we are going to lose our renter in May/June-ish. If you know someone looking for a townhome to rent, let me know.


Wow, I'm really getting deep with the emails today. Not sure what is up with that. I really should get some work done at my main career...


Laters

Peter


Pricing - please do not allow yourself (and this is as much for myself that I say this as for you) to think that because you love something, it diminishes what you should receive as compensation. Think about the four hobbies that contribute ever so slightly to your income. If you price yourself as a pro, you don't NEED to accept work. You take it when it comes, and it sustains you through when you aren't working. If you don't price yourself correctly, you will soon NOT love it anymore, as it is work that you HAVE to take - and you may feel as though you cannot say no to anyone. That is what is unfair to yourself, to Petra, and to your daughter, who's name always seems to escape me. (Natashca?) Charge what your time is worth. Actually, think of it this way - what is your daughter's time worth. How much should you get paid to leave her with mom for a Saturday? And be completely honest. Then charge that.


Soli Deo Gloria

Wade Gardner


That makes a heckuvalota sense. Please do use the conversation if you feel, but I would prefer to remain nameless in this case.


Just curious... why do you say "small "c" christian"?

But, yes, there has to be a good word for what you are trying to say... I understand.


Laters,

-Peter

--------------


Peter

So as to be unaffiliated with any one church. I consider myself Lutheran, because that is my upbringing. That is the capital - L - which is, in my view, largely affiliated with human religions and with outward appearances, and I so wish to not worry about the outward appearance of my faith, except that it reflect the inner truth (and it really does - the truth I live is less than that which I profess, which is less than what it should be). So, small "c". I am nothing, Christ is everything. How do I live that? How do I profess that which is greater than my ability to profess?


Soli Deo Gloria

Wade Gardner


--------------




2/12/08

Colton and the Tooth Fairy

Colton flew home from Minot last night, with a friend of Pat's. On the way, he lost his first tooth. When I picked him up, he was very excited to see me and tell me that he lost his tooth, that he flew in an airplane, thought that taking off was the coolest thing, could see the whole earth, and that they were even up above the clouds!

When we got home, Brecca gave Colton about 12 hugs. Declan was sort of confused, I think. He smiled when he saw him, but he didn't seem all that interested in Colton, more in Mom and me, which I understand.

When we were putting him to bed, we made certain to put the tooth under the bed, then we had to go hunting for cash - is it ethical to give a kid his own money "from" the Tooth Fairy? We (I) pondered that and Amber hit me. All I had was a 20 and 3 ones - no change. Since he had been such a good kid, and since it was his first tooth, we gave him the ones. When I woke him up this morning, the first thing he said was "What did the Tooth Fairy leave me?" He lifted up his pillow and a huge smile crossed his face! He was so excited, he wanted to show Mom, and I stopped him at first. He looked so crestfallen, I realized he was just so excited, I would let him wake her up.

Getting the kids ready was a special trip to the land of frustration this morning. Brecca was inconsolable for no apparent reason (other than tiredness), and that set Declan off. I was just so tired (Brecca was up at 2 until 2:45, with nightmare) and I hadn't been able to sleep prior to that. Amber was the one who handled it the best, I thought. She reminded me that we are all in a state of transition and that this will be difficult for them for a little while. And, this morning, she made doctors appointments for B and D for this afternoon. She thinks they both might have ear infections, or, since she's coughing so much, that B might have croup or Bronchitis or something like that. Anyway, we will get them all checked out this afternoon, and maybe that will be a big help.

Soli Deo Gloria
Wade Gardner



1/22/08

Community

In my experience these last few days, there are few things as
necessary as neighbors. I have the best ones ever. Joe and Tonya, you
are the best.

What can I be doing, especially given what has transpired over these
last two weeks, to be a better husband? Whew, that is a good question.
I think, at this time, a better question would be - "how can I better
understand?" or "how can I be more involved?"

I am accompanying Amber to her initial interview tomorrow. I need to
be there, as I have really felt out of the loop, lately. I want to
partner with Amber in her treatment, as I need to be able to help her
as much as possible. I will get as much information as they allow me
to have.

That should be a good start.

Soli Deo Gloria
Wade

1/21/08

Moving Forward

Moving Forward

Today is the gloomiest day of the year, according to a study - I don't know who put it out, but that is what I heard on the radio this morning. In actuality, I should be right there in the "glooming", as it were. However, I seem to have a preternatural ability, lately, to shunt away gloominess, and embrace happiness. I think part of that is in acknowledging the crappy and not trying to hide from it - as a really big part of me wants desperately to do. But, what is, is, and so I might as well get on with it. 

To quote the sooth-sayer Michael Strahan, speaking of yesterday's NFC Championship Game, played in bitter cold (-2 degree temp at kickoff) "If we gotta be in it, we might as well win it". I am definitely in it, so what else is there to do, but win it, right? How do you win something where, at best, you are an observer? I feel (wait, I actually am) so out of the loop as to what is going on with here treatment, etc. That is so very frustrating. A bright light at the end of THAT tunnel, however, is the fact that I will actually participate in checking her in to the program that she is entering tomorrow. This will be such a good thing, as I will be there (I can't be a part of the interview, but I will be in the building) when they conduct the entrance interview and directly after, so that I will be able to hear what the doctors and counselors are proposing for treatment from the start. For nothing more than peace of mind, that information will be invaluable. 

I have to accept the fact that this is something that I can have no direct influence on. All I can do is accept the fact that she is in treatment and wants to come home and wants to be with me and the kids. So I need to do whatever it is that I can to facilitate that, to allow it to happen as quickly as possible. A friend at work says the best thing I can do for her is take care of our kids. Well, yeah, that is about the only thing I CAN do. 

I need to hear from other people who may be going through this. How do we help each other deal with the acute loneliness that is inherent in going through this process? I have a great stable of really cool neighborhood friends that are pitching in as far as the most difficult part, in my mind - logistics. My Daycare Provider - Actually took my kids today (MLK day, so Amber was supposed to be with the kids, and Sarah had the day off), instead of spending the day with her daughter (its her second birthday). Her backyard neighbors, our friends Joe and Tonya, have picked up our kids a couple of times, and I need to ask them to pick them up on Wednesdays for a time now, as I have to work late on Wednesdays, and Amber won't be able to do that for a while. Thank you. 

Family has been very important, as well. My sister and her husband brought their kids over this weekend and cleaned my house. All I asked her to do was watch my kids so I could go see Amber, but they put on their aprons and the house is spic and span! Awesome. My brother has offered to help in whatever way he can. I have to think about what that might be, maybe this weekend he can come over. My oldest son is spending time (coincidentally, I might add, the timing here was fortuitous) with his maternal grandfather and his wife in Minot, ND. Also might be going to my parents in Williston, ND, this week for a few days. This has been really good for him, as well. He is growing up so much, just in these last two weeks, to hear the difference on the phone. He is actually having conversations, not just saying what he is told to say, which is great to hear - another milestone, I guess!

Brecca and Declan have been so good. We are blessed with children that have the temperament that they have, very easy-going, life is a river, I am the water type of flow. There are times, like this morning, where independence slickers to life, and over-all, that is good, but my fuse was very short this morning, and so I was very short with Brecca for no really good reason - which I realized and immediately apologized to her for, but, you know, she is such a great kid, and to have yelled at her like I did this morning does nothing to help the situation. I really need to remember that, and I have, up till this morning. 

Prayers, please - I don't ask for much, just a quick prayer for my wife and children - that she find healing and that they flow through this period like water.

Wade

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and earnest pleading, together with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Phillipians 4:6

1/18/08

From January 14th,

(quickly - here is a picture of Brecca, my little princess, brushing her teeth. I think I am in trouble with this one, she is just going to "cute" me out of any trouble she might get into. I took this with my iPhone, which takes surprisingly good images - this one at night in low light - I am impressed.)

an email to Amber's dad.
Amber says she talked to you. I saw her on Sunday, and she looks really good. I think she misses the kids, and they miss her, but…
 
I ask her to describe it to me. It is very difficult for her to do, and for me to understand completely, as I have absolutely no frame of reference here. I can only access it mentally by the term "helpless", which for your daughter MUST be frustrating. She told me that in your talk, she could tell you kind of felt like you wanted so bad to just say "buck up, and get on with life!". She understands. I told her I have felt - feel - the same way. I wish she could just understand that every day can be a happy day if you choose it to be. Every situation that you are in is just that, a situation. Not something to cause you anxiety about. I want to tell her that, but I know that that is not what her problem is, and I am not going to be able to help her in that way. I can only pray that she gets the help she needs, which she seems to be getting - that the help she gets allows her to function, if not on an even better level than before - that I understand what is going on and am given the opportunity to partner with her in her "therapy" by asking salient questions and understanding the answers and implications.
 
It seems, from her conversation with you, that that is the tack you are taking as well. I can't think of a better one.


Soli Deo Gloria

This is actually from January 15th.

 It is an email thread with my mother, who had asked me how I was doing. I consider these next few posts a bit of a primer.

You know, last night was more of the same. Kids were fantastic, I made dinner - okay, so I asked what they wanted and Bean said Rice Krispies and peanut butter sandwich, so what could I do? I mean, that's easy.

This morning was hectic, I will admit. I had to get up earlier (and by extension, get the kids up earlier) than normal as I had a dentist appointment. The dentist office emailed me about 10 yesterday morning to confirm/remind me, and I think that, at that moment, for a fleeting minute, I felt crappy about the whole situation. I considered changing the appointment, but I wanted to get it out of the way. So I just, you know, decided to wake up early, get the kids up and dressed early, and just do it. I called Sara and asked her if it would be ok to drop off the kids early, and she said yes. So I emailed the dentist saying "7 is fine, but it may be 7-ish, because I am alone with the kids this week and I just want to give myself and you a bit of a warning that the kids may not cooperate fully" etc. That turned out to be prescient, as Bean was not happy about getting dressed this morning. I should have just put her in my bed, got Declan dressed and then dealt with Crabby-pants, but I engaged. It wasn't so bad, I didn't hurt her or anything, but she was kicking and screaming and crying and, I think, just frustrated at the whole idea of getting up. She actually woke up with a wet diaper (which she has been doing lately, waking up at the first sign of wetness, which I think is a positive thing, LONG TERM. Right now it is just a pain. But I think her expectation was getting re-jammied and go back to sleep, which has normally been the case. She just happened to wake up at the right (or, in her perspective - wrong) time. After I got her dressed and calmed her down a bit, I put her in my bed and let her watch "Higglytown Heroes" and got Declan up, who also struggled - but that I am ready for cause he always does it.

Also, yesterday I had to take the car in, as it was making grinding noises. Needed a new wheel bearing and new front brake pads. Rains - Pours. No big deal, and we really like the place we take the cars. Just to say that I have new found respect for Single Parents - and will continue to encourage kids to NOT become one!

Other than that, I feel totally blessed to have the support structure that I have, and am doing really well. You know, none of my kids has cancer, Amber and I still have good, well paying jobs, I can make extra cash with my photography skills, and I have a great family and great friends.

I quoted Phillipians 4:6 in my "signature" about 6 months ago, and was reminded of it by one of Amber's friends, whose daughter is Brecca's age and has neuroblastoma. In his Caring Bridge journal entry last night, he describes how his daughter is experiencing what they hope is side-effects of one of the drugs she is taking - namely blindness and a seeming in-ability to recognize things she should be able to recognize. Terrifying. But he signed off with the Phillipians verse, and stated that it is very difficult for him do "be anxious in nothing" - but what else can he do? I find, by contrast, it is very easy for me. If you can, throw a prayer in the direction of Nate Dahl and his family, as they are experiencing much more trying times than I am.

Relapse

Ok. I wasn't ready for tonight. I have been handling this very well, in my opinion. Here is the crisis, what are the options, do it, be done. As of 8 o'clock this evening, I had a time period where I would at least be able to come home to my wife. There was a definite date. Sunday was the date that she would be coming home. As of 8:05, all that changed. I guess it changed earlier than that, technically, but as far as I was aware, it was 8:05.

Amber had a relapse with her depression. She went to her initial therapy interview - and I was talking to her prior to this, she seemed fine - and shortly thereafter was a mess again. Her sister took her to the hospital, where they denied her entrance. With good reason - they said that hospitalization at this point would not help. Intense therapy is what she needs. So she will be starting an intensive day program for at least two weeks where she will go to an outpatient site daily. she will then be going back to her sister's place at night. 

What upsets me the most about this is how she was released from the hospital - basically on her own recognizance. "There you go! Don't have too much stress! Therapy starts next week!" I can't believe, given the complexity of the human mind and the chemistry involved, that they didn't think to admit her into the intensive out-patient therapy setting right away, then decide if that is something that she needed or didn't need. Not let her out of any therapy for three days, plus two more this weekend. We are now five days behind in the game. Had she been in the program from the start, they would have been able to assess by now whether or not she needed the intensive program, and started it already. 

Let's not get me started on the medication. Too late. She is on medication (I don't know what - I am seriously out of the loop on this) and is having difficulty sleeping. She was given a mild sleep aid, but it wears off really early, and so she is exhausted. Tell me that being exhausted doesn't cause stress in the first place. I know, I am exhausted as well. Tonight they gave her ambien cr - which is extended release. Why not start with a lower dose of an extended release in the first place. I know, every body chemistry is different, and we don't want to introduce drugs into a system unnecessarily. However, if one of the possible side effects of a drug is sleeplessness, isn't it incumbent on you as a professional, especially where depression is involved and how insomnia can effect that, to address that at first with an extended release version of whatever? Now, I can't tell you what communication Amber has had regarding this, because I haven't had any communication with anyone about it. That is another galling thing about this whole situation. 

I didn't handle the news of the change in situation very well. Jasmin, I am so sorry about my initial reaction(s). Thanks for calling back after I hung up the phone the first time - and for answering the phone after the second time I hung up on you. I just didn't want to say what I needed to say out loud "to you". I know this hasn't been exactly a picnic for the two of you.

Speaking of exhaustion - I must sleep now if I am at all going to function with the kids tomorrow. Thank you Annie - bestest sister ever - for coming to help me out tomorrow.

There but for the Grace of God go I
Wade

1/17/08

I haven't posted in a while, and there is a reason. I have just started a new blog here, under the name "Better Husband, Better Dad", with the intent of improving my relationships with my wife and kids. And not more than two days later, my wife is checked into a hospital, dealing with depression. Here is a little bit of a breakdown of what has been going on. A delicious irony, as a matter of fact.  A little back story, first.


Amber has been on Prozac and others off and on since before we met. She went to a therapist on Sunday, Jan. 5th. for a routine visit - she has been going since she first noticed a little depression some time ago and has been on Effexor for about a year, I think (dates are fuzzy) - and the therapist asked her if she felt she was happy, or something similar. She thought about that over the next few days, and then on Wednesday, (from what I gather) she realized that it wasn't "happy" or "unhappy", but mostly that she was no longer engaging with the kids. She has been only looking forward to bedtime (or even after bedtime) and was not enjoying spending any time whatsoever with the kids. And it wasn't even a passing thing - it was prevalent. Her days at work would slowly tick down to when she would have to go get the kids. Dread. 


I think she was very successful at thinking her way around it, but by doing that, by pushing it back and not examining it, she was making it worse. Wednesday, she called me on the way to pick up the kids. She was crying, saying that she just didn't feel happy, and explaining the therapy session, etc. She said she was taking the kids to he sister's, and I needed to come and get them. OK. I go get them, and her sister explains that they (her mom, herself and Amber) decided to take Amber to the hospital. She was checked in early Thursday morning, and was there until Tuesday. She is now, at the behest of her doctors and counselors, staying with her sister until Sunday (to which she is admitting a slight twinge of anxiety about - but her meds aren't fully working with her yet). She feels much better and has been back to work. 


She will teach tomorrow morning and then has an initial consultation with her new therapist in the afternoon. She picked up the kids from daycare last night, took them to Jasmin's and I came and got them after I worked overtime here. She said that that was a very good thing, after she got over the initial anxiety about seeing them again for the first time. At the same time, she is very glad that the staff insisted she stay with her sister before going home. 


Last night was probably the most difficult for me, as I got to see Amber again, but she didn't come home. That sucked. But I know that this is a small blip in our life together, and at the same time has been very good for me. I have had to do everything at home, get the kids to swimming, get dinner (breakfast cereal and peanut butter sandwiches qualify as dinner in my book!), get them to bed, get them up and dressed (which is what I do anyway), blah blah blah, all by myself. (ooo, so proud, huh? As though it isn't what your wife has been doing these past 9 years! B- Double "O" - B) And I have been able to do it with no problem whatsoever. A very big confidence boost. Now, I appreciate the difficulties that single parents, what their situations present. I know that without the help of my friends Adam and Sara and Joe and Tonya, not to mention the sacrifices Amber's sister has made (she picked up the kids on Friday and Monday) and conversations with Mom and Dad, I would not feel nearly as confident. 


I think I will take the kids grocery shopping on Saturday, and we'll see about how I feel after that!

1/10/08

the FAbulous Family



HEre is a picture from this summer, during our fabulous 4th of July celebration at our friends, the Volkman's cabin. Beautiful. From the left, Brecca, Amber, Declan, Yours Truly, and Colton. 

I have a great brood, and I am getting less tired as they get older! Actually, Amber and I were talking the other night about how blessed we are as parents of these guys, because they have all slept through the night from a very early point - especially our youngest, Declan. I think he was about 6 months old when he first slept through, and has since (he's 16 months now). Of course, the next night, he puked three times (I must say, however, that he went right back to sleep each time…so still). the night after that, Amber didn't feel well, then the next night it was Brecca's turn to throw up three times (we were running out of sheets!) and I threw up the next morning (January 31st - we were supposed to have a New Years Party that night as well!). We thought that all of us had turned the corner, when New Years Eve, Colton came into our room complaining of an upset stomach - and then later he threw up three times. So - in the span of four nights I think I got about three full hours of consecutive sleep - and then last night I just could not sleep, as I was struck by the inspiration for this Blog. I cannot say how thankful I am for my Christmas gift of a Caribou Coffee Gift Card this morning! (Thank you Barb!)

Lesson? Maybe a "don't count your chickens" type of bromide would suffice, but I like to think that the real lesson here might be to mash your hands more thoroughly.

Soli Deo Gloria

1/2/08

Resolved:

This list was originally taken from my post at the strobist Flickr group discussion of New Years Resolutions - and actually the first item, is the inspiration for this blog.

Better Husband, Better Dad - those first, because they really matter more and it makes me look better in the eyes of those who know who I am and might be reading this.

Think - this is all part of the Strobist mentality, right?

Structure - it follows

Play - see bhbd, as well as with light

Do - I sit a lot and think, "wow, it would be cool to…". I resolve to figure out how to actually do

Give - A: Thanks - to God and to those who help (or hinder, cause that is really help, in a more roundabout way) B: Time - to those who need it most - right now my children and my wife, then my core group of neighbors and friends, then others as it is available. I would like to mentor someone, somehow. C: Money - I would like to test the theory that those who give, receive. Notice, this is the last in the list, and really is the last priority and possibility. I have three kids. That is why I put money last, but it is still on the list.

Intend - this was a hard one to figure out an actionable item for. I am not necessarily one for action items, but I can see how they are helpful. I wish to live my live with more of an intent. Be intentional in my thinking, be observant in my reactions and so forth. I think there is a Proverb in there somewhere.

That is my oath.

Now I need to get some sleep, and think about what BHBD actually means