1/21/08

Moving Forward

Moving Forward

Today is the gloomiest day of the year, according to a study - I don't know who put it out, but that is what I heard on the radio this morning. In actuality, I should be right there in the "glooming", as it were. However, I seem to have a preternatural ability, lately, to shunt away gloominess, and embrace happiness. I think part of that is in acknowledging the crappy and not trying to hide from it - as a really big part of me wants desperately to do. But, what is, is, and so I might as well get on with it. 

To quote the sooth-sayer Michael Strahan, speaking of yesterday's NFC Championship Game, played in bitter cold (-2 degree temp at kickoff) "If we gotta be in it, we might as well win it". I am definitely in it, so what else is there to do, but win it, right? How do you win something where, at best, you are an observer? I feel (wait, I actually am) so out of the loop as to what is going on with here treatment, etc. That is so very frustrating. A bright light at the end of THAT tunnel, however, is the fact that I will actually participate in checking her in to the program that she is entering tomorrow. This will be such a good thing, as I will be there (I can't be a part of the interview, but I will be in the building) when they conduct the entrance interview and directly after, so that I will be able to hear what the doctors and counselors are proposing for treatment from the start. For nothing more than peace of mind, that information will be invaluable. 

I have to accept the fact that this is something that I can have no direct influence on. All I can do is accept the fact that she is in treatment and wants to come home and wants to be with me and the kids. So I need to do whatever it is that I can to facilitate that, to allow it to happen as quickly as possible. A friend at work says the best thing I can do for her is take care of our kids. Well, yeah, that is about the only thing I CAN do. 

I need to hear from other people who may be going through this. How do we help each other deal with the acute loneliness that is inherent in going through this process? I have a great stable of really cool neighborhood friends that are pitching in as far as the most difficult part, in my mind - logistics. My Daycare Provider - Actually took my kids today (MLK day, so Amber was supposed to be with the kids, and Sarah had the day off), instead of spending the day with her daughter (its her second birthday). Her backyard neighbors, our friends Joe and Tonya, have picked up our kids a couple of times, and I need to ask them to pick them up on Wednesdays for a time now, as I have to work late on Wednesdays, and Amber won't be able to do that for a while. Thank you. 

Family has been very important, as well. My sister and her husband brought their kids over this weekend and cleaned my house. All I asked her to do was watch my kids so I could go see Amber, but they put on their aprons and the house is spic and span! Awesome. My brother has offered to help in whatever way he can. I have to think about what that might be, maybe this weekend he can come over. My oldest son is spending time (coincidentally, I might add, the timing here was fortuitous) with his maternal grandfather and his wife in Minot, ND. Also might be going to my parents in Williston, ND, this week for a few days. This has been really good for him, as well. He is growing up so much, just in these last two weeks, to hear the difference on the phone. He is actually having conversations, not just saying what he is told to say, which is great to hear - another milestone, I guess!

Brecca and Declan have been so good. We are blessed with children that have the temperament that they have, very easy-going, life is a river, I am the water type of flow. There are times, like this morning, where independence slickers to life, and over-all, that is good, but my fuse was very short this morning, and so I was very short with Brecca for no really good reason - which I realized and immediately apologized to her for, but, you know, she is such a great kid, and to have yelled at her like I did this morning does nothing to help the situation. I really need to remember that, and I have, up till this morning. 

Prayers, please - I don't ask for much, just a quick prayer for my wife and children - that she find healing and that they flow through this period like water.

Wade

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and earnest pleading, together with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Phillipians 4:6

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