Ok. I wasn't ready for tonight. I have been handling this very well, in my opinion. Here is the crisis, what are the options, do it, be done. As of 8 o'clock this evening, I had a time period where I would at least be able to come home to my wife. There was a definite date. Sunday was the date that she would be coming home. As of 8:05, all that changed. I guess it changed earlier than that, technically, but as far as I was aware, it was 8:05.

Amber had a relapse with her depression. She went to her initial therapy interview - and I was talking to her prior to this, she seemed fine - and shortly thereafter was a mess again. Her sister took her to the hospital, where they denied her entrance. With good reason - they said that hospitalization at this point would not help. Intense therapy is what she needs. So she will be starting an intensive day program for at least two weeks where she will go to an outpatient site daily. she will then be going back to her sister's place at night. 

What upsets me the most about this is how she was released from the hospital - basically on her own recognizance. "There you go! Don't have too much stress! Therapy starts next week!" I can't believe, given the complexity of the human mind and the chemistry involved, that they didn't think to admit her into the intensive out-patient therapy setting right away, then decide if that is something that she needed or didn't need. Not let her out of any therapy for three days, plus two more this weekend. We are now five days behind in the game. Had she been in the program from the start, they would have been able to assess by now whether or not she needed the intensive program, and started it already. 

Let's not get me started on the medication. Too late. She is on medication (I don't know what - I am seriously out of the loop on this) and is having difficulty sleeping. She was given a mild sleep aid, but it wears off really early, and so she is exhausted. Tell me that being exhausted doesn't cause stress in the first place. I know, I am exhausted as well. Tonight they gave her ambien cr - which is extended release. Why not start with a lower dose of an extended release in the first place. I know, every body chemistry is different, and we don't want to introduce drugs into a system unnecessarily. However, if one of the possible side effects of a drug is sleeplessness, isn't it incumbent on you as a professional, especially where depression is involved and how insomnia can effect that, to address that at first with an extended release version of whatever? Now, I can't tell you what communication Amber has had regarding this, because I haven't had any communication with anyone about it. That is another galling thing about this whole situation. 

I didn't handle the news of the change in situation very well. Jasmin, I am so sorry about my initial reaction(s). Thanks for calling back after I hung up the phone the first time - and for answering the phone after the second time I hung up on you. I just didn't want to say what I needed to say out loud "to you". I know this hasn't been exactly a picnic for the two of you.

Speaking of exhaustion - I must sleep now if I am at all going to function with the kids tomorrow. Thank you Annie - bestest sister ever - for coming to help me out tomorrow.

There but for the Grace of God go I

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